Here are a few of the life questions I am talking about. (in a high pitched, irritating voice) "When are you going to get married", "When are you going to have children", "When are you going to buy a home", "When are you...". Listen people, these are questions that not only make people extremely uncomfortable, but they make the people receiving the questions feel like they aren't meeting "Societies" standards! Because they aren't married or starting a family in a new home, something is wrong with them and they are failing at life? Think about what you are asking... You are asking someone to tell you very personal information about their lives. You are asking people to talk to you about things they don't even want to talk about with their partners, parents, or friends. What gives you the right to hear that information? Are you just being nosy... Are you trying to make yourself feel like you have a more "successful" life?
Think about it for a moment... What if you asked someone "So, when are you going to get married? What are you waiting for?" and that person replied, "Well, my boyfriend cheated on me with a skank at a strip club and then left me with a $10K debt and took everything we owned with him". OR what if they replied "Sorry, they haven't actually made it legal in this state for me to declare my happiness." WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO SAY NOW?? What will your reaction be when you have just asked that person something that requires their personal life to be explained in 2 min answer? Did you just ruin their day, their week, their month?
What if you asked someone "So, when are you going to have kids? What are you waiting for?" and that person immediately started sobbing and walked away? OR what if that person replied "I have had 3 miscarriages over the past year and my doctor just told me I couldn't have children". OR "Actually we have been trying for over a year, thanks for asking (smart ass tone)." What do you say now???
What if you asked someone "So, do you still live in the same place? Are you all planning on buying a home anytime soon? You know with that tax credit now is the time to do it" and they replied "We are actually broke, we owe the IRS $64K and they are garnishing our wages... we can barely keep the heat on". OR "We are seperated and filing for divorce" OR "My identity was stolen a year ago and now my credit score is 385, I cant get a loan"! What do you say now?
If you think about it, you just asked someone the most personal issues in their lives. Do you think you have a right to ask them that? Do you really want to know the answer?
Here are some examples to think hard about before you ask:
1) When are you getting married
2) When are you having children
3) When are you buying a home
4) Are you ever going to find a boyfriend/girlfriend
5) How much money do you make a year?
If you just want to make small talk and make people feel like you are genuinely interested in what is going on in their life, try asking some basic questions.
Here are some great examples to try:
1) Hi, how is your day going?
2) So, do you have any plans for the weekend?
3) How is it going? How is everything in your world, anything new or exciting?
4) Hey! I saw you got a dog (on FB), how is that working out for you?
5) How are you?
So, hopefully next time you see someone and just want to be nosy... You will look back and think about this blog and realize that if those people wanted to talk to you about something personal, they would have. If those people don't want to talk to you about something personal, they wont. A great conversation always starts with a simple "How are you", where it goes from there depends on the amount of trust/compassion/comfort. Remember, you cant force trust, compassion, or comfort. see "Keep it real or keep it moving" for more about this ;), it has to happen in time. Try to think about the things coming out of you mouth before you say them...
As always... Keep it real, keep it positive, keep it FABULOUS!!!
Totally agree, Leeann. My grandma should read this!
ReplyDeleteI wholeheartedly agree! It took Curtis and I five years and many infertility treatments before we were able to have kids. I can't tell you HOW many "nosy Nellies" I wanted to push into the nearest stream of traffic for asking, "So when are you guys going to have kids?"
ReplyDeleteGirl you are so right! I hate getting asked personal questions! I am sure everyone does! I hope after reading this people take others feelings into account before asking inappropriate questions!
ReplyDeleteGreat advice! I NEVER ask anything like that because I hated how often people asked when Mike and I were going to get married. I guess we're weird for not rushing into a marriage... And now that we are married, we're getting the kid question. C'mon people, it's only been a year and a half...give us a minute!
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